My faith journey. Do you want the real truth about my journey to Jesus? It's filled with rose bushes. They hold the most beautiful roses I've ever seen! Every rose I've seen has scarlet silk petals that sparkle in the sun's light as its beams rebound off the morning's dewdrops.
The dazzling golden light of the sun always warms the soft silk of the scarlet roses as it stretches for its wondrous contact, stinging for its smooth caresses with those silky petals.
To me, the roses I've had the pleasure of seeing are stunning evidence that road to Jesus is filled with beauty. However, the beauty that I have seen, I am seeing and will see, hasn't come without some ugliness. Thorns.
The roses have razor-sharp thorns! Sharp enough to jab through the gardening gloves I put on before venturing on this journey to Jesus.
Even the fanciest, well-crafted gloves have no chance against the knife-edged thorns I have come into contact with. Jeez, the thorns? They have bases that are moderately trigonal, but the ends are like sharp knives. After even a faint touch, the thorns make my fingers, my legs, my body, feel like a pin cushion. Why am I bringing this up?
It's because I thought the journey to Jesus would be filled with roses. It was, and it is. I was right about that. It was, and it is filled with beautiful roses.
The roses, in my case, represent the people that God has placed, places and will place in my life. To name a few: My mum, Patricia! My dad, Ronald. My sister, Kalusambu. My cousin, Tumba. My soul sister, Kochiwe. Literally, all the people that I have come into contact with at Hillsong. My family, my friends and everyone who's been a positive influence in my life. Even those who haven't. They are all roses. Beautiful, wonderfully, fearfully made and inspirations. Every single one of them. So, yeah the journey had, has and will have, roses.
Why am I talking about this? It's because I believed that on my journey to Jesus, someone would have already sliced the thorns of those beautiful, vibrant, scarlet roses. I believed that my journey to Jesus would be me skipping along a yellow brick road unscathed as I declared my love for my Saviour, and that was what I got wrong.
The roses had and have thorns; they exist. They exist in the form of words and trials and tribulations. Every person I have interacted with during my journey has hurt me. Whether it was intentional or not. Their thorns have pricked me, and those interactions have caused me to bleed.
Dear goodness, I have bled all kind of things. Insecurity, hatred, jealousy, anger, and so many other feelings, attitudes, beliefs, memories. Things that have clouded my mind and made me feel worthless. Made me feel like a mess. Like a drunken windstorm that erupted, strewing all of my feelings, my thoughts, my attitudes, my beliefs across my mind and leaving them in a pile, open, visible and vulnerable to the world.
The windstorm has been the worst thing I have ever experienced on my journey. I was left thinking, "why God? I stepped into a relationship with You, and You've left me feeling worse. You've left me feeling like I am even further away from being more like Your Son, more like Jesus. Don't You want me to be more like Jesus? Then why have you left me broken? Why have You done this?"
I stepped into a relationship with Jesus Christ, for goodness sake, and I was feeling even worse. How could I be feeling worse? Why was I feeling worse?
I only realised that the windstorm was God's plan when I went to attend a Creative Team Night at Hillsong after Ellen Kate invited me to Dance Team through a Facebook message. If you know me, you know that I'm not a dancer by any stretch of the imagination and that left me incredibly reluctant. Trust me. This is not me trying to be like "I can't dance." And then stun people with my slick Rihanna like moves. No, I really can't dance, and I didn't want to go and embarrass myself, so I was going to politely decline by saying, "dancing isn't my thing." However, before I had the chance to say no, I felt an authoritative, and gentle whisper in my mind convincing me that I should go anyway. At that moment, I wasn't reluctant any more, so I told Ellen I would go and immediately regretted it.
I couldn't help asking myself why I had just said yes, knowing fully well that I can't dance. I battled with thoughts of rescinding my acceptance before I decided that going back on my word would be rude. So, I ended up showing up, and before I reconfirmed that dancing is not my thing, we had a worship session.
Mark Harle spoke about his garage. His messy garage and how as he was cleaning it with his wife, Laura Harle. As they cleaned, their garage ended up even dirtier than before. Interesting, right? Does that sound familiar?
He went on to talk about silver. As some people, will know, to make silver, you have to burn out the impurities first. The bible says that in Proverbs 25:4. Interesting, right? Does that sound familiar?
Mark spoke about God and said that sometimes when He is working on us, the process leaves us messier than before because he's burning out all the useless stuff we've held on to. Kind of like the slipper Laura wanted to keep that Mark mentioned was not necessary to keep. Yes, just one slipper.
His words made me realise that all this time, all of the stuff that I have bled from my interactions with the thorns. The insecurity, hatred, jealousy, anger, and so many other feelings, attitudes, beliefs, memories were useless. They were impurities.
Everything that God has done and is doing during my journey, all the trials and tribulations have been sent to refine me. All the thorns were used and are being used to make me more like His Son, Jesus Christ. The windstorm is clearing up all the stuff that I don't need.
I was ready to cut and run. That's what I do. When the going gets tough, I get going. But, I have realised to stay the path I have to endure some rough roads. God is sanctifying me. He's changing me, and if I leave, I'll never experience the more God has for me.
If my journey can teach you anything, it's this: "Please, don't quit. Stay the path. Experience the more and don't be afraid of your mess. It doesn't matter what it may look like. God isn't scared of it. He isn't scared of you." No matter where you are in life, you're God's masterpiece and His mess! His love is too good to leave you where you are. He will fix you. Joel 2:25.