Trigger warning: this post talks about suicidal thoughts and death.
I don’t think God is concerned with protecting himself.
Maybe that’s the first mistake we make as humans. I believe that many, if not all wars, could be said to have been derived from a possibly inherent need to protect oneself. Many, if not all arguments could be said to have been derived from a possibly inherent need to protect oneself.
Now, I get that there’s no way I can prove that, but I think that as humans, we can be obsessed with self-preservation which leads to a movement away from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable for fear of being hurt.
What I can say for sure is that it’s clear that God was never concerned about being hurt or vulnerable because He sent His one and only son to pay the price for our sins. The price was death. It was a painful, humiliating and undeserved death.
The darling of Heaven was crucified. He lay on the cross, half-naked, bleeding and alone. He was forsaken by His Father so that we could live a life free from the slavery of sin.
I believe if we stop worrying about ourselves just a little bit every day, we will become more like Jesus. If we choose to surrender and allow ourselves to be last in line, we will come first.
There was a point in time, I thought about how I can better protect myself from emotional pain, and I ended up thinking that death would be the be the ultimate form of protection. I contemplated suicide, but realised how devastating that would be to my family and friends so I couldn't go through with it.
So I asked God if he could take me out of the rotation himself. But, He said no, and this is how he did it using a book called 'He Still Moves Stones' by Max Lucado. God pointed me to a bible verse written in the book that read:
“He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.” Isaiah 42:3 NLT.
I gathered a bit of insight to God's heart for me from reading that verse and I want to share that with you.
I felt like God was saying, "I’m never going to leave you alone when you’re hurting, and I’m not going to help you quit living in the name of protecting yourself. Don’t concern yourself with your protection. I will protect you, be still and trust me, my love! It will be okay, and so will you.”
It will be okay. Maybe not today. Maybe not even tomorrow. But I assure you when you take everything that bothers you to Jesus; nothing will stay the same. He will turn what you think is ugly into the most beautiful testimony.
You are never alone, and He’s never stopped loving you, no matter how broken you think you are. God’s got you. He can protect you, even from yourself. He did it for me, and He'll do it for you.